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Start for freeThe Essence of True Confidence
Confidence is often misunderstood. Many believe it's about becoming better, stronger, or more charismatic. However, true confidence isn't about adding more to yourself or becoming someone else. It's about removing the barriers that prevent you from being your authentic self.
Embracing Your True Self
The journey to confidence isn't about moving away from who you are, but rather moving towards your true self. This concept is crucial to understand and internalize. Instead of striving to be better or different, focus on realizing and accepting who you truly are.
The Pitfall of Social Scamming
In social situations, especially when meeting important people, many fall into the trap of trying to enhance themselves artificially. They attempt to spike their confidence through various means:
- Looking in the mirror and giving themselves pep talks
- Using affirmations
- Watching motivational videos
- Practicing artificial smiles and expressions
However, this approach is fundamentally flawed. It's essentially a form of scamming - portraying yourself as someone you're not and feeling emotions you don't genuinely feel.
The Problem with Communication Skill Advice
Many communication skill tips and tricks are used to distract people from who you really are. For example:
- Using techniques to seem more confident than you actually feel
- Employing public speaking tricks to mask nervousness
This approach creates a facade, a mirage that hides your authentic self. It's akin to putting sauce on cheap meat to mask its quality.
Becoming a Social Master
Instead of being a social scammer, aim to be a social master. The key difference is:
- Social scammers use tricks to distract from who they are
- Social masters use skills to highlight who they are
When you're truly confident, you don't need tricks to highlight your authentic self - it shines through naturally.
The Meat Analogy
Consider this analogy:
- Cheap meat in restaurants is often covered in sauce to mask its quality
- Expensive, high-quality meat needs minimal seasoning
Similarly, when you're constantly trying to showcase your accomplishments, wealth, or status, you're essentially covering yourself in "sauce" to distract from your perceived lack of inherent value.
The Test of True Confidence
A good test of genuine confidence is your ability to put yourself out there without compensation or distraction. Can you present yourself authentically without relying on:
- Achievements
- Success stories
- Physical appearance
- Social status
When you can say "This is me, take it or leave it" without needing external validation, you've reached a level of true confidence.
The Danger of External Validation
Constantly seeking external validation conditions you to believe you're not good enough on your own. It's a vicious cycle that reinforces the belief that you need to prove your worth.
The Only Valid Answer
When asked why you're good enough, there's only one valid answer: "Because I am." Your worth isn't tied to achievements, skills, or external factors. You're inherently valuable simply because you exist.
Auditing Your Life
It can be beneficial to audit your life and identify:
- The requirements you're trying to live up to
- Ways you're trying to justify your existence
- Methods you're using to prove your worth
This audit can reveal how much of your life is spent chasing external validation rather than embracing your inherent worth.
The Parent Test
A thought experiment to gauge how much you're living for others' approval:
Imagine your parents were to pass away (assuming they're still alive). After the grieving period, would you feel a sense of relief? For many, there's a feeling of freedom from no longer needing to:
- Please their parents
- Prove they're a good enough child
- Make their parents proud
This relief indicates how much of your life is spent seeking parental approval rather than living authentically.
The Self-Help Trap
Even in self-improvement, we often set unrealistic standards for ourselves. Ask yourself:
- Are you good enough if you don't have a perfect morning routine?
- Are you worthy if you haven't mastered the art of "letting go"?
The answer should always be yes. You are good enough, regardless of your self-improvement practices.
The Ideal Society Thought Experiment
Imagine you were born into a society where you were considered the ideal:
- If you felt anxious, everyone would strive to be anxious
- If you didn't feel good enough, that would be the desired state
In this scenario, how would you feel about your current state? This thought experiment highlights how much our self-perception is influenced by societal standards rather than our inherent worth.
The Core of Human Desire
At our core, what we all truly want is:
- To be acknowledged
- To be heard
- To be seen
- To have our experiences and reality validated
This desire for validation is universal, regardless of age or life stage.
The Illusion of Revenge
Even when someone wrongs us, what we often truly want isn't revenge, but for that person to understand how they made us feel. We seek acknowledgment of our pain and experience.
The Only True Source of Validation
While we may seek validation from external sources, the only person who can truly provide it is ourselves. No amount of external validation can replace self-acceptance and self-love.
The Futility of External Validation
Even if you receive the validation you seek from others, it won't fulfill you if you don't believe it yourself. It's like trying to impregnate a synthetic object - it's artificial and can't produce real results.
The Journey to Self-Love
Self-love isn't something you do; it's the removal of self-hate. The more you feel you need to practice self-love, the more it indicates a lack of inherent self-love.
Reclaiming Your Worth
The process involves:
- Recognizing that you were born whole and worthy
- Identifying the socialization and conditioning that made you lose touch with your inherent worth
- Examining and challenging beliefs that were programmed into you at a young age
- Bringing core beliefs to the surface and analyzing them
- Learning to let go of what doesn't serve you
The Four Layers of Communication
Effective communication involves four layers:
- What you say (least important)
- How you say it (tonality, expression)
- Your intention behind it (subcommunication)
- Your overall level of self-esteem
The deeper the layer, the more powerful its impact on communication.
Making Anything Interesting
When you feel good about yourself, you can make any topic interesting. It's not about the content, but about how you deliver it and the energy you bring.
Exercises for Improving Communication
1. The Boring Topic Exercise
Practice talking about mundane topics in an engaging way. Focus on your delivery rather than the content.
2. The Mirror Exercise
Stand in front of a mirror and practice expressing different emotions:
- Anger
- Happiness
- Excitement
- Shyness
- Silliness
- Sadness
Observe your range of expressions and work on expanding it.
3. The Intention Exercise
Practice communicating emotions or states without words or facial expressions. Focus on projecting your intention through your presence alone.
Conclusion
True confidence and effective communication stem from embracing your authentic self, removing barriers to self-expression, and developing a strong sense of self-worth. By focusing on these internal aspects rather than external validations or artificial enhancements, you can unlock your true potential and connect more genuinely with others.
Remember, you are inherently worthy and good enough just as you are. The journey to confidence is not about becoming someone else, but about uncovering and embracing your true self.
Article created from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsd2B9omyEc
