Mastering Intimacy: The Low-Risk Method of Radically Open DBT

Introduction to Radically Open DBT and Match Plus One

Hi, I'm Anna, a Clinical Psychology doctoral intern, and today, we're diving into a technique from Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that aims to enhance intimacy in relationships in a low-risk manner. If you're familiar with traditional DBT, Radically Open DBT (RODBT) offers a nuanced variation, particularly useful for those seeking to cultivate closer connections without facing the daunting risk of rejection or emotional exposure too soon.

Understanding Match Plus One

The essence of Match Plus One lies in its incremental approach to sharing personal information, gauging the response, and then deciding whether to escalate the level of intimacy based on the reciprocation received. It's a strategic method that combines assessing reciprocation with matching the energy of your counterpart, essentially creating a feedback loop that informs how much vulnerability you should offer.

How It Works

1. Start Small: Begin with less personal disclosures, such as comments about the weather or opinions on non-emotional topics like a restaurant’s service.
2. Assess Reciprocation: Observe if your disclosure is reciprocated at a similar level of intimacy.
3. Elevate Accordingly: If reciprocation occurs, you can safely increase the level of personal disclosure (plus one). If not, maintain or decrease the level of intimacy to match.

This method serves as a protective measure against the potential pain of rejection by allowing you to test the waters before diving into deeper emotional disclosures.

Practical Example

Imagine chatting with a classmate about the workload from readings, a level one or two disclosure. Their response will guide your next step. If they share their experience too, you might next share something slightly more personal, like your weekend plans or thoughts on a political issue, moving to a level three or four of intimacy. The process continues, with each level of reciprocation inviting a deeper level of personal sharing, all the way up to expressing love or deep-seated emotions in a committed relationship.

Assessing Your Relationships

An interesting aspect of this technique is its application for self-reflection. By mapping out the levels of intimacy across your relationships, you can identify patterns, such as difficulties advancing past certain levels of intimacy or tendencies to overshare. This introspection can reveal areas for growth and opportunities to challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone.

Homework for Growth

After mapping your relationships, set a personal challenge related to the insights gained. For instance, if you struggle with showing affection in professional settings, consider giving your coworkers holiday cards. Or, if you find it hard to reach high levels of intimacy with friends, try expressing your care or love for them.

Conclusion

The Match Plus One technique from Radically Open DBT offers a pragmatic approach to developing intimacy with others in a manner that minimizes emotional risk. By starting with less personal disclosures and carefully assessing reciprocation, you can gradually build deeper connections in a controlled and safe manner. This method not only aids in enhancing existing relationships but also serves as a valuable tool for personal reflection and growth.

Let me know your thoughts on this technique, and if it's something you'd consider trying. Remember, the journey to deeper connections begins with a single, carefully considered step. Have a great week, and here's to fostering more meaningful relationships!

For further details and an exercise using this intervention, click here to view the original video.