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Start for freeIn today's complex dating landscape, building and maintaining healthy relationships can be challenging. To gain expert insights, we spoke with Sadia Khan, a psychologist and dating coach based in Dubai, about her perspectives on modern relationships.
The State of Modern Dating
According to Khan, the current dating culture is "practicing for divorce" rather than fostering long-lasting marriages. She notes that people are being conditioned for short-term connections, quick breakups, and minimal patience or investment in relationships.
Khan attributes much of this to social media, which has "reduced our desire to invest in people." With constant access to new potential partners, there is less motivation to work through difficulties in existing relationships. As Khan explains:
"Everybody seems disposable. You can quickly send a message to somebody else, you can quickly move on, you can quickly post a picture and new people will come into your DM. So there is no motivation to make things work when they get tricky."
This disposable mentality stands in stark contrast to previous generations, where people were more inclined to put effort into making relationships last due to fewer perceived alternatives.
Common Relationship Issues
In her work with clients, Khan has observed several common issues that plague modern couples:
Lack of Investment
Many people, especially in places like Dubai, are not truly invested in their relationships. Khan notes that some women will have their housing, car, and expenses paid for by one man while secretly dating others. This lack of loyalty and commitment undermines trust.
Social Media Conflicts
Social media activity is a major source of conflict for many couples. Actions like liking provocative photos of others or following attractive strangers can breed insecurity and jealousy. Khan advises avoiding these behaviors, as they invite problems into the relationship for no real benefit.
Poor Communication
Failure to effectively communicate needs and feelings is at the root of many relationship problems. Khan encourages being direct rather than expecting partners to be mind readers.
Rejecting Bids for Connection
One of the biggest predictors of divorce, according to research Khan cites, is consistently rejecting a partner's attempts to connect emotionally. Responding positively to these bids for attention and affection is crucial.
Advice for Healthy Relationships
Khan offers several key pieces of advice for fostering strong, lasting partnerships:
Practice Self-Control
Self-control and discipline are essential qualities in a high-value partner. As Khan explains:
"The ultimate source of high value is self-control. If you can exercise self-control, you start to respect yourself more...Every time we exercise self-control we gain self-respect, and every time we gain self-respect we gain self-esteem."
This applies to resisting temptations to cheat, controlling jealousy, moderating social media use, and more.
Invest Quality Time
Making time for undivided attention and quality interactions is crucial. Khan advises:
"Just give undivided attention in the first 25 minutes, you can do what you want for the next hour. You just got to see it as an investment - it will pay off."
Communicate Directly
Rather than expecting partners to intuit needs and feelings, Khan encourages direct communication. This avoids misunderstandings and resentment.
Respond to Emotional Bids
Make an effort to respond positively when a partner attempts to connect emotionally, even in small ways. This maintains intimacy and prevents disconnection.
Consider Counseling
Khan believes all couples should consider relationship counseling, especially before having children. This helps ensure a stable foundation.
Advice for Men in Their 20s
For young men looking to set themselves up for relationship success, Khan offers this guidance:
"Do not use your 20s as an extended adolescence. Do not use your 20s to just prolong being 19. Don't be all day every day in the clubs, don't be every day holidays, don't be every day spending money you don't have, don't be every day chasing women you don't need. Use that as training ground for 30."
She advises focusing on personal growth, career development, and fulfilling one's potential during this pivotal decade. This creates a strong foundation for future relationships.
The Impact of Childhood Trauma
Khan notes that childhood trauma can significantly impact adult relationships. Those who experienced trauma often:
- Seek out chaotic or abusive partners that feel familiar
- Struggle with intimacy and vulnerability
- Have difficulty trusting others
- Exhibit hyper-independence
She advises being aware of these patterns and consciously choosing healthier relationship dynamics.
Social Media and Relationships
Social media presents unique challenges for modern couples. Khan cautions against behaviors like:
- Liking provocative photos of others
- Following attractive strangers
- Excessive time spent on social platforms
She notes these actions often breed insecurity and jealousy in partners. Instead, she advises using social media mindfully and prioritizing the relationship.
The Importance of Shared Values
Khan emphasizes the importance of shared core values in long-term relationships, especially when considering marriage and children. She cautions against ignoring fundamental incompatibilities or hoping a partner will change.
Conclusion
Navigating relationships in the modern era requires intentionality, self-awareness, and effective communication. By understanding common pitfalls and implementing healthy practices, couples can build strong, lasting partnerships. With insights from experts like Sadia Khan, we can approach relationships with greater wisdom and create the meaningful connections we desire.
Article created from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwWpjOzDrBs
