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Growing up, many of us hold the misconception that disciplined individuals either lack desires or have somehow managed to eradicate them. The stereotypical image of a monk living on the bare minimum, seeking nothing but tranquility, often epitomizes our understanding of discipline. However, real-life interactions with disciplined individuals reveal a different truth. These people haven't extinguished their desires; instead, they've mastered the art of delayed gratification. They prioritize future rewards over immediate pleasures, a skill that not everyone possesses.
Delayed Gratification: Why Is It So Hard?
Some individuals naturally exhibit a higher propensity for delayed gratification, while others find it challenging. It's easy to attribute this to a lack of discipline or mere laziness, but environmental factors play a significant role too. For instance, the K-drama True Beauty illustrates this concept through a scene where the protagonist saves her favorite part of the meal for last, only to have it snatched away. This example underscores how repeated disappointments can deter one from practicing delayed gratification.
The Gratification Aspect
It's crucial to believe in the future gratification to resist present temptations. This brings us to the famous marshmallow experiment from the 1970s, where children were tested on their ability to wait for a better reward. The experiment highlighted not only the children's discipline but also their trust in the future promise of reward. Unfortunately, environmental factors, such as broken promises, can severely undermine this trust and, consequently, one's capacity for delayed gratification.
Environmental Impact and Trust
Environments filled with false promises, like some workplaces or educational settings, can erode our ability to wait for future rewards. An updated version of the marshmallow test showed that children who experienced broken promises were less likely to wait for the second marshmallow. This suggests that our environment's reliability heavily influences our ability to practice delayed gratification.
The Role of Family Environment
A supportive or non-supportive family environment significantly affects our development of delayed gratification. Shinji from Neon Genesis Evangelion serves as an example of how a lack of support and encouragement from a parent can hinder one's motivation and discipline. The emotional availability of parents has been shown to impact children's neurodevelopment and their ability to handle stress and process emotions.
Building Confidence and Discipline
While it's easy to blame external factors for our struggles with delayed gratification, it's also possible to cultivate this skill. Engaging in activities that are inherently gratifying, like exercise, creative pursuits, or reading, can help re-learn the joy of waiting for a reward. Additionally, managing our engagement with activities that deplete future satisfaction, like excessive social media use, is crucial.
Being Your Own Support System
Lastly, the way we treat ourselves, especially during setbacks, plays a pivotal role in our ability to practice delayed gratification. Constructive self-criticism is necessary, but it should not devolve into self-demeaning behavior. Training our minds to be supportive and forgiving, akin to a nurturing parent, can significantly enhance our resilience and ability to face challenges with a positive outlook.
In conclusion, mastering delayed gratification is not merely a matter of discipline but also involves trust in the future, environmental influences, and a supportive upbringing. By understanding these factors and actively working on improving our capacity for delayed gratification, we can achieve greater success and fulfillment in life.
