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Start for freeUnderstanding the Root of Validation-Seeking Behavior
Seeking validation from others is a common human tendency, but it manifests differently for each individual. There are five main types of external validation that people often pursue:
- Romantic/male validation
- Social media validation (likes, followers, etc.)
- Community validation (popularity, acceptance by peers)
- Familial validation
- Academic validation
At its core, the need for external validation stems from placing one's self-concept and self-esteem in the hands of others. This creates a shaky foundation for self-worth, leaving one vulnerable to insecurities triggered by insults, online trolling, or disapproval from strangers.
The Origins of Validation-Seeking
It's important to recognize that if you struggle with seeking validation, it's not your fault. Often, this behavior develops as a result of receiving little to no validation during childhood or adolescence. Validation is an underrated form of love and acceptance that should be freely given, especially to young people as they develop their sense of self.
However, while the origins of this behavior may not be your fault, it is your responsibility to address it and create a better life for yourself. You have the power to validate yourself and build a strong internal foundation of self-worth.
Overcoming the Need for Male Validation
For many, particularly women, seeking male validation can be a particularly challenging habit to break. Here are some strategies to help overcome this:
- Take men off the pedestal and put yourself on it instead. Affirm your own worth regularly.
- Recognize that male attention does not define your beauty or worth as a woman.
- Understand your attachment style and work on developing a secure attachment.
- Consider taking a "male detox" - a period of time where you abstain from dating, flirting, or seeking male attention.
- Focus on building a fulfilling life independent of romantic relationships.
Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is another form of seeking validation that can cause you to lose touch with your authentic self. To overcome this:
- Spend time alone to grow your self-love and become comfortable with your own company.
- Raise your standards for both romantic relationships and friendships.
- Learn to set boundaries without fear.
- Remember that other people's disapproval is temporary and ultimately insignificant.
Building a Positive Self-Schema
Developing a positive self-schema, or self-image, is crucial for becoming your own source of validation. Here's how to start:
- Identify your favorite parts of yourself - your positive qualities, achievements, and unique traits.
- Write down negative perceptions you have of yourself, then actively work to prove them wrong.
- Experiment with your appearance to boost confidence - try new hairstyles, makeup, or clothing that make you feel good.
- Practice self-photography to learn to see your own beauty.
- Start viewing yourself as your current self, not through the lens of past versions of yourself.
Becoming Your Own Source of Validation
Ultimately, you are the only person who truly knows yourself inside and out. This means you are also the most qualified person to validate your own experiences, emotions, and worth. Here's how to practice self-validation:
- When you're upset, resist the urge to immediately seek comfort from others. Instead, sit with your emotions.
- Journal or record a video of yourself expressing your feelings. This helps process emotions and gain clarity.
- Ask yourself what you would want to hear from a supportive friend, then say those things to yourself.
- Treat yourself with the same compassion you would show a friend or your inner child.
- Recognize that your emotions are valid, regardless of whether others understand or agree with them.
Practical Exercises for Self-Validation
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Daily Affirmations: Start each day by looking in the mirror and affirming your worth. Say things like "I am enough," "I am worthy of love and respect," or "My feelings are valid."
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Gratitude Journaling: Each evening, write down three things you appreciate about yourself. This helps shift focus to your positive qualities.
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Emotion Check-Ins: Throughout the day, pause to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Simply naming and accepting your emotions can be a powerful form of self-validation.
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Self-Compassion Meditation: Practice guided meditations focused on self-compassion and self-love to reinforce positive self-talk.
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Achievement Inventory: Keep a running list of your accomplishments, big and small. Review it when you need a confidence boost.
Overcoming Setbacks in Your Self-Validation Journey
Building self-validation is a process, and it's normal to experience setbacks. Here are some strategies for handling challenges:
- Recognize that slip-ups are normal and don't negate your progress.
- Use setbacks as learning opportunities. Reflect on what triggered the need for external validation.
- Practice self-forgiveness. Treat yourself with kindness when you struggle.
- Reach out to a trusted friend or therapist for support when needed.
- Revisit your self-validation techniques and adjust as necessary.
The Role of Professional Help
While self-help strategies can be powerful, sometimes professional guidance is beneficial. Consider seeking therapy if:
- You struggle with deep-seated self-esteem issues
- Past trauma is impacting your ability to self-validate
- You find it difficult to break patterns of seeking external validation
- You're experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression
A therapist can provide personalized strategies and support in your journey towards self-validation.
Creating a Self-Validation Toolkit
Develop a personalized set of tools you can turn to when you need a boost of self-validation:
- Compile a list of your strengths and positive qualities
- Create a folder of photos where you feel confident and happy
- Write out supportive messages to yourself for different situations
- Develop a playlist of songs that make you feel empowered
- Keep a collection of positive feedback or compliments you've received
The Impact of Self-Validation on Relationships
As you become more self-validating, you'll likely notice positive changes in your relationships:
- You'll be less dependent on others for emotional support
- You'll attract healthier relationships based on mutual respect
- You'll be better equipped to communicate your needs and boundaries
- You'll be less likely to stay in unfulfilling or toxic relationships
- You'll have more authentic connections based on your true self
Maintaining Long-Term Self-Validation
Sustaining self-validation is an ongoing process. Here are some strategies for long-term success:
- Regularly reassess and update your self-validation techniques
- Continue to set and achieve personal goals to build self-efficacy
- Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your growth
- Practice mindfulness to stay connected with your authentic self
- Celebrate your progress and growth in becoming self-validating
Conclusion
Becoming your own source of validation is a transformative journey that leads to greater confidence, independence, and fulfillment. By understanding the roots of validation-seeking behavior, implementing practical strategies for self-validation, and maintaining a commitment to your personal growth, you can build an unshakeable foundation of self-worth. Remember, you are inherently worthy and deserving of love and respect - and the most important person to recognize and affirm that is you.
Article created from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ENp8Q_WxFM