Mastering Emotions: The 90-Second Rule for a Life You Love

In today's fast-paced world, many people struggle with anxiety, depression, and other emotional challenges. Children and teenagers are particularly affected, with alarming rates of mental health diagnoses. However, there is hope. Dr. Joan Rosenberg, a renowned psychologist and author, has developed a powerful method called the Rosenberg Reset to help both adults and children master their emotions and build lasting confidence and resilience.

The Rosenberg Reset: A Formula for Emotional Mastery

The Rosenberg Reset is based on a simple formula: one choice, eight feelings, and 90 seconds. Let's break down each component:

One Choice: Awareness Over Avoidance

The first step in mastering your emotions is to choose awareness over avoidance. This means being present and conscious of your moment-to-moment experiences rather than trying to escape or distract yourself from unpleasant feelings.

Many people instinctively try to avoid uncomfortable emotions, but this approach can lead to long-term problems. By choosing awareness, you open yourself up to personal growth and emotional strength.

Eight Unpleasant Feelings

Dr. Rosenberg identifies eight key unpleasant feelings that people commonly experience:

1. Sadness
2. Shame
3. Helplessness
4. Anger
5. Vulnerability
6. Embarrassment
7. Disappointment
8. Frustration

These feelings are often at the root of what we perceive as anxiety or other emotional challenges. By learning to acknowledge, accept, and trust these feelings, we can better manage our emotional states.

90 Seconds: Riding the Wave

The final component of the Rosenberg Reset is understanding that the intense bodily sensations associated with emotions typically last about 90 seconds. This insight is based on neuroscientific research, which shows that when an emotion is triggered, there's a biochemical rush that creates physical sensations in the body.

By "riding the wave" of these sensations for 90 seconds, you can allow the feeling to pass through you without becoming overwhelmed or trying to suppress it. This practice helps build emotional resilience and confidence.

Applying the Rosenberg Reset to Anxiety

Dr. Rosenberg offers a unique perspective on anxiety, suggesting that the term is often misused. She proposes that what we commonly call "anxiety" is actually a combination of vulnerability and other unpleasant feelings.

Instead of using the blanket term "anxiety," Dr. Rosenberg encourages people to identify the specific emotions they're experiencing. For example, what we call anxiety might actually be:

• Vulnerability (fear of being hurt)
• Embarrassment
• Disappointment
• Sadness
• Anger

By accurately identifying and addressing these underlying emotions, we can more effectively manage what we perceive as anxiety.

Building Resilience in Children and Adults

Resilience is a crucial life skill that can be developed and strengthened over time. Dr. Rosenberg offers several strategies for building resilience:

1. Learn to experience and move through the eight unpleasant feelings
2. Adopt a flexible and adaptive attitude towards change
3. Cultivate curiosity and openness to life experiences
4. Be willing to learn from every experience, even challenging ones
5. Ask for help when needed
6. Believe in something bigger than yourself
7. Develop faith or a sense of purpose

As parents, it's essential to model these attitudes and behaviors for our children. By doing so, we help them develop the emotional tools they need to navigate life's challenges.

Parenting Tips for Emotional Development

Dr. Rosenberg offers several valuable tips for parents to support their children's emotional development:

1. Respond to feelings first: When a child is emotional, address their feelings before trying to reason with them logically.

2. Use feeling language: Develop your own emotional vocabulary and use it with your children to help them express their feelings more effectively.

3. Teach frustration tolerance: Help children learn to handle disappointments and frustrations early in life to prevent avoidance behaviors later on.

4. Balance emotional expression for boys and girls: Encourage boys to express sadness and disappointment in addition to anger, and help girls access and express anger when appropriate.

The Importance of Face-to-Face Connection

In today's digital age, it's crucial to prioritize face-to-face and heart-to-heart connections. While technology can be a useful tool, it cannot replace the emotional benefits of in-person interactions. Dr. Rosenberg emphasizes the need for more direct human contact to develop true confidence and resilience.

Overcoming Distractions and Avoidance

Many people use various forms of distraction to avoid dealing with unpleasant feelings. These can include:

• Social media
• Screen time
• Substance use
• Overeating
• Shopping

While these distractions may provide temporary relief, they ultimately prevent us from developing emotional strength and resilience. By recognizing our personal distraction techniques, we can make a conscious effort to stay present with our feelings and work through them using the Rosenberg Reset method.

Conclusion: Embracing Emotional Mastery

Dr. Joan Rosenberg's approach to emotional mastery offers a practical and accessible way for both adults and children to develop confidence, resilience, and authenticity. By choosing awareness over avoidance, acknowledging and accepting unpleasant feelings, and learning to ride the 90-second wave of emotional sensations, we can transform our relationship with our emotions and ultimately create a life we love.

The Rosenberg Reset provides a framework for understanding and managing our emotional experiences, allowing us to face life's challenges with greater ease and self-assurance. As we practice these techniques and model them for our children, we contribute to a more emotionally intelligent and resilient society.

By embracing the principles outlined in "90 Seconds to a Life You Love," we can cultivate lasting confidence, build stronger relationships, and approach life with a sense of curiosity and openness. This emotional mastery not only benefits us as individuals but also positively impacts our families, communities, and the world at large.

Remember, the journey to emotional mastery is ongoing, but with practice and persistence, we can all learn to navigate our feelings more effectively and live more fulfilling lives. Start today by choosing awareness, acknowledging your feelings, and riding the 90-second wave – you may be surprised at how quickly you can transform your emotional landscape and create the life you truly desire.

Article created from: https://youtu.be/F34jGVAjQ4Y?si=Fdr0sICSPkSab5o6