Building Self-Validation: A Guide to Developing Inner Confidence

Understanding Internal vs External Validation

Before diving into practical exercises, it's crucial to understand the difference between internal and external validation. While it's normal and healthy to seek advice, vent to others, and care about others' opinions to some extent, relying solely on external validation can leave your self-worth feeling unstable.

External validation should complement, not replace, internal validation. Otherwise, your self-esteem becomes dependent on others' opinions, which can fluctuate. Remember that you know yourself best - you've been with yourself since birth and have experienced everything in your life firsthand. Trust your own judgment.

Rebuilding Trust in Yourself

If you find yourself constantly seeking others' opinions or approval, you may have lost trust in your own decision-making abilities. Here's an exercise to rebuild that trust:

1. Write down past decisions you've made (not what others told you to do).
2. For each decision, even ones that felt like mistakes at the time, ask yourself: "How did this actually work out positively in the long run?"
3. Give yourself grace - you didn't have all the information then that you do now.
4. Optionally, journal daily about good decisions you made that day, no matter how small.

Remember, if anyone else had gone through your exact experiences, they'd likely be in the same place as you. Be kind to yourself.

Three Practices for Self-Treatment

How you treat yourself greatly impacts your self-worth, confidence, and need for external validation. Try these three practices:

1. Date Yourself

Imagine you have the perfect partner and treat yourself the way they would:

• Buy yourself flowers weekly
• Comfort yourself when upset
• Celebrate your achievements

You can involve friends in celebrations if you prefer. This practice helps you realize what you want in relationships and raises your standards.

2. Validate Your Feelings

Try this exercise:

1. Vent to yourself in a mirror, through journaling, or by recording yourself.
2. Respond as a nurturing, understanding figure would.
3. The goal is to make yourself feel better, loved, understood, and accepted.

With practice, you'll start doing this naturally throughout the day.

3. Care for Yourself Like a Prized Possession

Treat yourself the way a car enthusiast treats their dream car:

• Create luxurious self-care experiences
• Run baths with perfect ambiance
• Indulge in your favorite activities

Make self-care a priority and an enjoyable experience.

Building Self-Worth

To recognize your inherent self-worth, create three lists:

1. Positive traits and talents
2. Successes and contributions
3. Potentials (what you could do with your traits and talents)

Be generous and don't hold back - this isn't the time for humility. This exercise helps you see your natural strengths and focus on developing them further.

Conceptualize your traits and talents as your unique "lane." Don't compare yourself to others in different lanes. Focus on excelling in your areas of strength.

The Importance of Following Through

Confidence is closely tied to following through on commitments to yourself. When you consistently do what you say you'll do, you build trust and confidence in yourself.

To improve in this area:

1. Be selective about the promises you make to yourself.
2. Underpromise and overdeliver.
3. Start with small, achievable goals and build up gradually.

Challenge: Put It Into Practice

To implement these concepts:

1. Choose one exercise (e.g., decision reflection or self-worth lists).
2. Select one practice (e.g., dating yourself or validating your feelings).
3. Decide on a realistic timeframe to commit to these.

Aim for consistency rather than perfection. Start small and build up gradually.

The Role of Professional Help

While self-help exercises are valuable, professional therapy can provide guided support in developing self-validation and confidence. Online platforms like BetterHelp offer convenient access to licensed therapists who can provide unbiased advice and tailored strategies.

Conclusion

Building self-validation and reducing reliance on external validation is a journey. It requires consistent effort and patience. Remember that you are the expert on your own life and experiences. Trust yourself, treat yourself with kindness, and focus on developing your unique strengths. With time and practice, you'll develop a stronger sense of self and inner confidence that isn't dependent on others' opinions or approval.

By implementing these strategies and exercises, you're taking important steps towards a more confident, self-assured you. Remember, it's okay to start small - consistency is key. Celebrate your progress along the way, and be patient with yourself as you develop these new habits and mindsets. Your journey to self-validation and inner confidence is uniquely yours, and every step forward is a victory worth acknowledging.

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