The Science of Effective Communication: Insights from Vanessa Van Edwards

Effective communication is essential for success in business and relationships, but many people struggle with it. In this article, we'll explore insights from behavioral expert Vanessa Van Edwards on how to communicate more effectively, build rapport, and become more likable. Van Edwards shares research-backed techniques that can help anyone improve their communication skills and achieve better results in both professional and personal interactions.

The Importance of First Impressions

One of the key points Van Edwards emphasizes is the critical importance of first impressions. Research has shown that people form judgments about others within seconds of meeting them, and these initial impressions can be difficult to change.

Van Edwards shares a story about Jamie Siminoff, the founder of Ring (the video doorbell company), who failed to get a deal on Shark Tank despite having a great product and promising numbers. The reason? His pitch and first impression were poor, even though his idea was worth billions.

To make a strong first impression, Van Edwards recommends focusing on two key traits:

1. Warmth
2. Competence

Research has shown that 82% of our impressions of people are based on these two traits. It's not about how attractive, tall, rich, or successful you are - it's about how quickly you can signal that you're friendly (warmth) and capable (competence).

Vocal Power and Communication

One often overlooked aspect of communication is vocal power. Van Edwards shares a fascinating study about doctors and malpractice lawsuits:

Researchers recorded 10-second voice clips of doctors saying a standard introduction. They then altered the clips so you could hear the pitch, volume, pace, and cadence, but not the actual words. Participants listened to these altered clips and rated how smart and likable they thought each doctor was.

The results? The doctors who received the lowest ratings for warmth and competence had the highest rates of malpractice lawsuits. This demonstrates how powerful our vocal tone can be in shaping others' perceptions of us.

Van Edwards recommends using a "downward inflection" at the end of sentences to project more authority and confidence. For example, instead of saying "Hi, my name is Dr. Edwards?" with an upward inflection, say "Hi, my name is Dr. Edwards." with a downward inflection.

The Power of Words

The specific words we use can have a significant impact on how others perceive and interact with us. Van Edwards shares a study where participants were divided into two groups:

1. One group was told they would play the "Wall Street Game"
2. The other group was told they would play the "Community Game"

In reality, both groups played the exact same game. The only difference was the name. The results?

• People in the "Wall Street Game" group shared an average of 1/3 of their profits
• People in the "Community Game" group shared an average of 2/3 of their profits

This demonstrates how a single word can prime people to behave more competitively or collaboratively. Van Edwards suggests being intentional about the words you use, especially in professional settings. For example, instead of scheduling a generic "meeting," call it a "strategic planning session" or "collaboration workshop" to set the right tone and expectations.

Nonverbal Communication and Body Language

Nonverbal cues play a huge role in how we communicate and how others perceive us. Van Edwards breaks down some key nonverbal cues for projecting warmth and competence:

Warmth cues:

• Authentic smiling (activating the upper cheek muscles)
• Nodding (especially the "triple nod")
• Head tilting

Competence cues:

• Steepling fingers
• Taking up space
• Maintaining good posture

Van Edwards emphasizes the importance of balancing warmth and competence cues. For example, crossing your legs while steepling your fingers can project both warmth (femininity) and competence (authority).

Detecting Lies and Incongruence

While there's no foolproof way to detect lies, Van Edwards shares some common cues that may indicate someone is being dishonest:

1. Incongruence between words and body language (e.g., saying "yes" while shaking their head "no")
2. Microexpressions of disgust (crinkling the nose and showing upper teeth)
3. Contempt (one-sided mouth raise)

If you notice these cues, it doesn't necessarily mean someone is lying, but it may be worth exploring further or asking clarifying questions.

Communication Differences Between Men and Women

Van Edwards notes that there are some general differences in how men and women tend to communicate:

• Women often have higher voice tones and use more upward inflections
• Men are typically taught to focus more on competence, while women are often socialized to prioritize warmth

She advises being aware of these tendencies and adjusting your communication style as needed. For example, women in professional settings may want to consciously use more downward inflections and competence cues to counteract potential biases.

Improving Interpersonal Connections

To build stronger connections with others, Van Edwards recommends using a framework of three levels of connection:

1. General traits (basic information)
2. Personal concerns (worries, motivations, goals)
3. Self-narrative (the story someone tells about themselves)

She suggests asking questions that help you move through these levels to deepen your understanding and connection with others. For example, instead of asking "What do you do?" try "What are you excited about right now?"

Overcoming Awkwardness and Introversion in Business

For those who consider themselves awkward or introverted, Van Edwards offers some encouraging advice:

1. Find your unique "flavor" of charisma (e.g., the quiet powerful introvert, the empathetic healer, the wise question-asker)
2. Don't try to fake being an extrovert if you're not one
3. Identify your specific social strengths (e.g., storytelling, one-on-one conversations, humor)
4. Be willing to be vulnerable and authentic

She shares a personal story of attending a high-profile event where she introduced herself as a "recovering awkward person" - this vulnerability actually helped her connect with others and stand out in a positive way.

Saying No Gracefully

As you become more successful, you'll likely receive more requests for your time and energy. Van Edwards offers advice on how to say no while maintaining positive relationships:

1. Express gratitude for the offer
2. Be transparent about your reasons for declining
3. Use "systems" or "sabbaticals" as a way to depersonalize the rejection
4. Offer alternatives or future possibilities when appropriate

For example: "Thank you so much for thinking of me! I'm currently on a podcast sabbatical to focus on writing my next book. I'd love to add you to my list for future opportunities when I start doing interviews again."

The Secret to Being Likable

Van Edwards closes with a powerful insight from a study on high school popularity. The researchers found that the most consistently popular students across different schools had one thing in common: they had the longest list of people they liked.

The takeaway? If you want to be more likable, focus on actively liking others. Look for the good in people, ask better questions, and approach interactions with genuine curiosity and appreciation for others.

Conclusion

Effective communication is a skill that can be learned and improved. By understanding the science behind how we connect and communicate, we can make intentional choices to become more effective communicators, build stronger relationships, and achieve greater success in both our personal and professional lives.

Remember Maya Angelou's famous quote: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." By applying the insights from Vanessa Van Edwards, you can become more aware of how you're making others feel and actively work to create positive, memorable interactions.

Whether you're pitching an idea, leading a team, or simply trying to connect with others, these communication techniques can help you become more influential, likable, and successful. Practice these skills consistently, and you'll likely see improvements in various aspects of your life - from your relationships to your bank account.

Article created from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijcnk2OHrhc