Evolutionary Psychology and Dating: Insights from a Strip Club DJ Turned Podcaster

From Strip Clubs to Evolutionary Psychology

My journey into the world of dating advice and evolutionary psychology began in an unlikely place - as a DJ at a strip club in Austin, Texas. This experience, combined with my time in the military and involvement in the pickup artist community, gave me a unique perspective on human mating behavior.

Early Revelations at the Strip Club

Working at the strip club in my early 20s was eye-opening. I witnessed behaviors that contradicted everything I had been taught about relationships:

• Women who were objectively very attractive often made choices that seemed irrational
• There were frequent instances of domestic abuse and drug use
• Despite having many options, women would often compete for the attention of the same few men

This experience made me question conventional wisdom about dating and relationships. I realized there was a significant gap between what society tells us about attraction and what actually happens in real-world scenarios.

Military Experience and Leadership

After my time at the strip club, I joined the US Air Force, serving as a captain from 2004 to 2011. This period allowed me to observe the differences between effective and ineffective leadership styles. The military taught me valuable lessons about communication, group dynamics, and personal development that would later inform my approach to dating advice.

The Pickup Artist Era

During my time in the military, I became acquainted with prominent figures in the pickup artist community, including Mystery and Neil Strauss. I watched as this subculture exploded in popularity, offering men techniques for approaching and attracting women.

However, I noticed limitations in the pickup artist approach:

• Many pickup artists lacked basic social skills like proper handshakes and clear communication
• Their advice often failed to address deeper issues of personal growth and leadership
• The rise of social media began to diminish the effectiveness of traditional pickup techniques

Las Vegas: Where Theory Meets Practice

After leaving the military in 2011, I moved to Las Vegas. This decision would prove pivotal in developing my understanding of dating dynamics and social behavior.

Hosting Events and Observing Social Dynamics

In Las Vegas, I began working for an event company while maintaining a job in finance. This allowed me to:

• Host bikini competitions and other high-profile events
• Work as a videographer at the Playboy Mansion
• Develop a network that allowed me to bring hundreds of women to various events

These experiences provided a real-world laboratory for observing mating behavior and social dynamics on a large scale.

The Concept of Mate Choice Copying

One of the most significant insights I gained during this period was the power of "mate choice copying." This psychological phenomenon occurs when:

• Women find a man more attractive if he is seen with or approved by other women
• This effect has been observed across many species, including humans
• It can be a more powerful attraction trigger than physical attributes alone

Understanding mate choice copying helped me bridge the gap between pickup artist techniques and more fundamental aspects of human psychology.

The Missing Link: Evolutionary Psychology

My experiences in the military, pickup artist community, and Las Vegas party scene left me feeling that something was missing from existing dating advice. The key to filling this gap came when I was introduced to the field of evolutionary psychology.

Meeting Dr. David Buss

Through a connection with Tai Lopez, I was introduced to Dr. David Buss, a professor of evolutionary psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Buss's work revolutionized my understanding of human mating behavior:

• Evolutionary psychology provides a testable, scientific model for understanding human behavior
• It explains the biological basis for many of the patterns I had observed in real-world dating scenarios
• The field reveals consistent patterns in mate preferences across cultures and throughout human history

Key Insights from Evolutionary Psychology

Some of the most important concepts I learned from studying evolutionary psychology include:

• Women generally prefer taller men and those with access to resources
• Men tend to place more importance on physical attractiveness and signs of youth in potential partners
• There are specific physical ratios (like hip-to-waist ratio in women and shoulder-to-waist ratio in men) that are consistently found attractive across cultures
• These preferences are not simply cultural constructs but have deep evolutionary roots

Bridging Theory and Practice: The Podcast

Armed with insights from evolutionary psychology and years of real-world experience, I decided to start a podcast. My goal was to bridge the gap between academic theory and practical application in the world of dating and relationships.

A Unique Approach

My podcast differs from others in the dating advice space in several key ways:

• I bring together diverse guests, from porn stars to PhDs, to discuss evolutionary psychology concepts
• Having worked in Las Vegas nightlife, I often personally know the women who appear on the show, allowing me to fact-check their statements
• We incorporate statistics and scientific research to support our discussions

Challenging Conventional Wisdom

By applying evolutionary psychology to real-world dating scenarios, my podcast often challenges popular narratives about attraction and relationships:

• We discuss how certain preferences that are often labeled as "cultural" may actually have a strong biological basis
• We explore how understanding evolutionary psychology can help both men and women navigate the modern dating landscape more effectively
• We're not afraid to point out when guests' stated preferences contradict their actual behavior

The Controversy of Evolutionary Psychology

While evolutionary psychology provides valuable insights into human behavior, it's often controversial. Some reasons for this include:

• It challenges the idea that all human preferences and behaviors are solely the result of cultural conditioning
• Some of its findings contradict popular narratives about gender and attraction
• Its implications can be uncomfortable for those who prefer to believe that human mating behavior is primarily shaped by conscious choice rather than unconscious biological drives

Addressing Criticisms

It's important to address some common criticisms of evolutionary psychology:

• It's not deterministic: While our evolutionary history shapes our tendencies, it doesn't dictate our individual choices
• It doesn't justify harmful behavior: Understanding the evolutionary roots of certain behaviors doesn't mean we should accept them uncritically in modern society
• It's a starting point, not the whole story: Evolutionary psychology provides a framework for understanding human behavior, but it should be considered alongside other fields of study

Applying Evolutionary Psychology to Modern Dating

Understanding evolutionary psychology can provide valuable insights for navigating the modern dating landscape. Here are some practical applications:

For Men

• Focus on personal growth: Develop traits that have been consistently valued throughout human history, such as competence, reliability, and social status
• Understand the power of social proof: Recognize that being seen as desirable by others (especially other women) can increase your attractiveness
• Don't neglect physical appearance: While resources and status are important, physical fitness and grooming still play a significant role in attraction

For Women

• Be aware of your own biases: Understanding the evolutionary basis for certain preferences can help you make more conscious choices in partners
• Consider long-term compatibility: While certain traits may be initially attractive, think about which qualities are most important for a lasting relationship
• Don't ignore red flags: Evolutionary psychology can help explain why we're sometimes attracted to traits that may not be beneficial in the long run

For Everyone

• Recognize the role of biology: Understanding that many of our preferences have a biological basis can help reduce shame or confusion about our attractions
• Use knowledge as a tool, not an excuse: Evolutionary psychology explains tendencies, not individual actions. We're still responsible for our choices
• Look beyond surface-level advice: Much dating advice focuses on superficial techniques. Understanding the deeper psychological principles can lead to more meaningful connections

The Future of Dating and Evolutionary Psychology

As we continue to navigate the rapidly changing landscape of modern dating, evolutionary psychology will likely play an increasingly important role in helping us understand human behavior.

Potential Developments

• More nuanced understanding: As research in evolutionary psychology continues, we may develop a more sophisticated understanding of how our evolutionary history interacts with modern cultural factors
• Better dating apps: Dating platforms may start to incorporate insights from evolutionary psychology to create more effective matching algorithms
• Improved relationship education: Schools and counselors may begin to include evolutionary psychology concepts in relationship education, helping people form more realistic expectations and healthier partnerships

Challenges to Address

• Balancing biology and culture: We need to find ways to acknowledge our evolutionary heritage without using it to justify harmful or limiting behaviors
• Avoiding oversimplification: While evolutionary psychology provides valuable insights, human behavior is complex. We must resist the temptation to reduce everything to simple evolutionary explanations
• Ethical considerations: As our understanding of human mating psychology grows, we'll need to grapple with ethical questions about how this knowledge should be used

Conclusion

My journey from strip club DJ to podcast host focused on evolutionary psychology has been unconventional, to say the least. However, it's provided me with a unique perspective on human mating behavior and the often-misunderstood world of dating and relationships.

By combining academic research with real-world experience, we can develop a more nuanced and effective approach to understanding human attraction and forming meaningful connections. While evolutionary psychology may challenge some of our preconceptions, it offers invaluable insights that can help us navigate the complex world of modern dating.

As we move forward, it's crucial that we continue to explore these ideas with an open mind, always balancing scientific understanding with empathy and respect for individual experiences. The field of evolutionary psychology, when applied thoughtfully to dating and relationships, has the potential to foster healthier, more fulfilling connections in our increasingly complex social landscape.

Article created from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOSXuH1qwiY