Can You Be Friends with Your Ex? Aristotle's Insights on Love and Friendship

Aristotle's Take on Love and Friendship

During a thought-provoking lecture, the speaker delves into the intriguing question of whether one can remain friends with an ex, drawing upon Aristotle's insights from the Nicomachean Ethics. Aristotle, a towering figure in ancient philosophy, offers a comprehensive exploration of love and friendship, breaking it down into three distinct categories: friendships of pleasure, utility, and complete (or virtuous) friendships. Each type presents unique characteristics and implications for how we navigate our relationships.

Friendships of Pleasure

• Predominantly observed among younger individuals, these friendships are grounded in shared interests and activities that bring joy and pleasure.
• While enjoyable, these relationships may lack depth and are often transient, fading as interests change or evolve.

Friendships of Utility

• Common among older adults, these friendships are pragmatic, focusing on mutual benefits or conveniences rather than emotional connection.
• They serve practical purposes, like sharing resources, but may not foster a deep, enduring bond.

Complete or Virtuous Friendships

• Described by Aristotle as rare and requiring time to develop, these friendships are based on mutual respect and a shared commitment to virtue.
• Both parties wish good for the other for their own sake, not for any utilitarian or pleasurable outcome.

Love's True Essence

The lecture also sheds light on the essence of love, referencing both Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas. To love is to will the good of the other. This definition challenges common misconceptions and superficial interpretations of love, emphasizing selflessness and a genuine desire for the beloved's wellbeing.

The Gospel's Echo

Interestingly, the discussion bridges Aristotle's philosophy with the Gospel's teachings, particularly the two greatest commandments: to love God with all one's heart and to love one's neighbor as oneself. This connection underscores the universal and timeless nature of love and friendship, transcending cultural and historical boundaries.

Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?

Addressing the titular question, the lecture suggests that maintaining a friendship with an ex, especially in the context of Aristotle's complete friendship, is challenging. The end of a romantic relationship often signifies a shift in how individuals view and wish good for one another, making it difficult to sustain a genuine, selfless friendship.

Conclusion

Aristotle's exploration of friendship and love offers valuable insights into our relationships, prompting us to reflect on the nature and quality of our connections. While being friends with an ex might be complex and dependent on the nature of the friendship that existed, Aristotle's framework encourages a deeper understanding of what it means to truly love and be a friend.

For a deeper dive into the topic, you can watch the original lecture here.