Building Unshakable Confidence: The Proven Formula for Success

The Truth About Confidence

Many people believe that confidence is something you're born with or that it comes from positive affirmations and self-talk. However, the reality is quite different. Confidence is not an input, but an output - it's the result of taking action and proving to yourself that you're capable.

The Myth of Affirmations

In my early 20s, I fell for the common advice of using affirmations to boost confidence. I wrote phrases like "I am beautiful," "I am strong," and "I am confident" on my bathroom mirror. But guess what? It didn't work. Those affirmations did nothing to change how I felt throughout the day.

The reason is simple: confidence comes from action, not words. It's about keeping the promises you make to yourself, especially when you don't feel like it. This is the input that leads to the output of confidence.

The Power of Action

To illustrate this point, let's consider an example. If someone wants to be skinny, simply thinking about it or wishing for it won't make it happen. They need to get in the gym, do the workouts, and eat the right foods. You can't just wish for results; you have to work for them.

My Personal Journey to Confidence

At 21, I moved across the country with no job, no money, and no idea what I was doing. I certainly didn't feel confident in my ability to succeed. But I took action anyway.

Starting from Scratch

I moved to California, got an apartment, and looked for work within walking distance since I couldn't afford much gas. I ended up at a job at 24-hour fitness, which I quickly realized was more about marketing and sales than fitness.

This realization terrified me. I had no experience in marketing or sales and felt like an impostor. But with my bank account dwindling, I knew I had to learn fast.

Pushing Through Fear

Instead of quitting, I decided to put in the work:

• I read five books on sales
• I arrived at 4 AM and left at 9 PM
• I practiced and drilled constantly
• I sought out opportunities to learn from those better than me

Despite being so nervous before my first sale that I thought I might throw up, I pushed through. And after 30 days of terror, I made my first sale.

The Moment of Breakthrough

When I finally made that sale, something incredible happened. It wasn't about the congratulations from my team or the money I earned. It was about how I felt about myself. My vision of my future self suddenly became real, and every limiting belief I had about myself shattered.

This experience opened my mind to new possibilities. I started thinking about other skills I could acquire and other goals I could achieve. My confidence grew not from affirmations, but from putting in the work and seeing results.

The Science of Confidence

Understanding how our brains work can help us build confidence more effectively.

Evidence-Based Confidence

Your brain gathers evidence, and this evidence builds identity and confidence over time. It would be absurd to expect confidence in something you've never done before. Our brains predict what's likely to happen based on past experiences. If you've never done something, your brain makes you scared to avoid potential danger.

Confidence as a Muscle

Confidence is like a muscle - it needs regular exercise to stay strong. If you don't work out that muscle, it gets weaker over time. To build unshakable confidence, you need a habit that tracks the truth, not your mood.

The Power of Tracking

When I was 100 pounds overweight and wanted to lose weight, I started tracking everything I ate and when I worked out. This wasn't about seeing dramatic changes overnight, but about noticing progress over time.

Tracking provides objective data that your brain can't argue with. It overrides emotional narratives and helps you see progress even when you don't feel it.

Practical Steps to Build Confidence

Now that we understand the mechanics of confidence, let's look at practical steps to build it.

Start Small

The fastest way to build confidence is to start with something so small you can't lose. For example, a weight loss coach might ask new clients to simply make their bed and take a picture every day for the first week. This creates a sense of accomplishment and builds momentum.

Break Down Goals

In my business, I break down quarterly goals into tiny steps. Each day, I check off at least one piece of one goal. This approach helps me feel a sense of progress and momentum, rather than feeling overwhelmed by big goals.

Use Tiny Tweaks

Instead of trying to make massive changes, focus on tiny tweaks. If you're trying to lose weight, don't aim for zero dessert tomorrow - aim for just one piece of chocolate instead of a whole bar. These small changes add up over time and build confidence in your ability to make progress.

Gradual Exposure

For skills like public speaking, start with small exposures. Begin with speaking for 60 seconds in a team meeting, then gradually increase your speaking time and audience size. This approach has helped many people go from terrified of public speaking to confident presenters on big stages.

Overcoming Fear

Even with these strategies, fear can still hold us back. Here's how to push through it.

Embrace Discomfort

Choosing to tolerate fear and discomfort rather than trying to eliminate it is key to transformation. Fear means your brain is working properly - it's not wrong to feel scared. What stops most people is the belief that they must get rid of fear to act.

Understanding Fear

Fear is a mile wide and an inch deep. It's strongest before the breakthrough. Once you step into the feared situation, the fear naturally subsides. This is how we're physiologically wired.

Taking Fear with You

Instead of trying to eliminate fear, imagine putting it in your purse and taking it with you. Accept that it's there, but don't let it stop you from acting. This is how you behave your way into confidence.

The Confidence Formula in Action

Let's look at how to apply this formula to real-life situations.

Professional Growth

If you're scared of taking on a new role at work:

1. Break down the new responsibilities into small tasks
2. Start with the easiest task and track your progress
3. Gradually increase the difficulty of tasks
4. Acknowledge your fear but take action anyway

Personal Relationships

If you want to improve your social confidence:

1. Set a small goal, like talking to one new person each week
2. Track each interaction, no matter how brief
3. Gradually increase the length and depth of conversations
4. Accept that nervousness is normal and push through it

Financial Confidence

To build confidence in managing your finances:

1. Start by tracking all your expenses for a week
2. Set a small savings goal, even if it's just $5 a week
3. Gradually increase your financial knowledge through books or courses
4. Take small actions, like negotiating a bill, even if you're scared

Health and Fitness

To build confidence in your health journey:

1. Begin with a tiny habit, like drinking an extra glass of water daily
2. Track your progress consistently
3. Gradually add new healthy habits
4. Push through the discomfort of new routines

Common Pitfalls in Building Confidence

As you work on building your confidence, be aware of these common mistakes:

Comparing Yourself to Others

It's easy to look at confident people and think they were born that way. Remember, you're seeing their output, not their input. Focus on your own progress instead.

Seeking Perfection

Perfectionism can be a confidence killer. Remember, the goal is progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins and learn from setbacks.

Neglecting Self-Care

Building confidence takes energy. Make sure you're taking care of your physical and mental health along the way.

Ignoring Feedback

While it's important not to be overly swayed by others' opinions, constructive feedback can be valuable. Learn to differentiate between helpful feedback and unnecessary criticism.

Maintaining and Growing Your Confidence

Once you've started building confidence, here's how to maintain and grow it:

Regular Challenges

Continue to set new challenges for yourself. This keeps your confidence muscle strong and prevents complacency.

Reflection and Gratitude

Regularly reflect on your progress and practice gratitude for how far you've come. This reinforces your confidence and motivates further growth.

Helping Others

As you become more confident, help others on their journey. Teaching and mentoring can further solidify your own confidence.

Continuous Learning

Stay curious and keep learning. The more you know, the more confident you'll feel in various situations.

Conclusion

Building unshakable confidence is not about feeling ready or eliminating fear. It's about taking action despite fear, tracking your progress, and gradually expanding your comfort zone. Remember:

1. Confidence is an output, not an input
2. Start with tiny, achievable steps
3. Track your progress consistently
4. Embrace discomfort and take fear with you
5. Keep challenging yourself and learning

By following this formula, you can build genuine, lasting confidence that will serve you in all areas of life. Whether you're facing professional challenges, personal goals, or new adventures, this approach to confidence will help you push through fear and achieve things you never thought possible.

Remember, everyone starts somewhere. The most confident people you see didn't start out that way - they built their confidence through consistent action and perseverance. You can do the same. Start small, stay consistent, and watch your confidence grow. Your future self will thank you for the courage you show today.

Article created from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7e6RSGdvHD8