Aristotle, Friendship, and Love: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

The Essence of Love According to Aristotle and Aquinas

Both Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas presented profound insights on love, fundamentally defining it as willing the good for the other. This notion, seemingly obvious, challenges us to reconsider our understanding of love beyond mere feelings or attractions, emphasizing a selfless desire for the well-being of the beloved.

Aristotle's Three Types of Friendship

Aristotle categorizes friendships into three distinct types, each with its unique basis:

• Friendship of Pleasure: Often seen among the young, this type of friendship is driven by the enjoyment one gets from another's company.
• Friendship of Utility: Common among the elderly, these relationships are formed based on mutual benefits rather than personal affection.
• Complete Friendship: This rare form, rooted in mutual virtue and goodness, represents the highest form of friendship where both individuals wish the best for each other for their own sakes.

The distinction between these types helps us navigate our relationships, recognizing that not all friendships serve the same purpose or hold the same depth.

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

The query about maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner intersects intriguingly with Aristotle's friendship types. While friendships of pleasure and utility might naturally dissolve following a breakup, the concept of complete friendship offers a nuanced perspective. If a relationship was founded on mutual virtue and goodwill, could it withstand the transition from romantic partners to friends?

The lecture suggests that while it's feasible, such scenarios are rare, given the complexities of human emotions and the changes that accompany the end of a romantic relationship. It raises the question of whether the foundational virtues that underpin a complete friendship can survive the transition, or if the end of the romantic bond signifies the end of the friendship as well.

The Interplay of Love and Friendship

The discussion seamlessly weaves the teachings of Jesus on love with Aristotle's philosophy, illustrating that the essence of true love and friendship lies in selflessness and the desire for the good of the other. This universal truth transcends time, urging us to reflect on our own relationships and whether they are marked by genuine love and friendship.

The conversation around being friends with an ex is more than a theoretical debate; it touches on the practicalities of how we navigate past relationships and whether we can truly wish the best for someone, even when the nature of our relationship with them changes.

Conclusion

Aristotle’s exploration of friendship and love provides a timeless framework for understanding our relationships. While the possibility of remaining friends with an ex is complex, it ultimately depends on the nature of the friendship and the individuals involved. The pursuit of complete friendship, characterized by a selfless love that wills the good of the other, remains an ideal worth striving for in all our relationships.

For a deeper dive into this insightful lecture, watch the original video here.